Happy New Year! Here's what I've decided

The holidays really owned me this season.  That sounds like what I'd like to say.  The truth is, I've never had so much time on my hands to contemplate exactly what it is that I'm trying to accomplish with my personal life, my family life, and potentially my professional life -- as an author?

I could spew out a bunch  of cliches like "I've come full circle"  or "I've learned what matters most."  But neither of those would be an accurate  label on just exactly what's going on in Mimi's conflicted head.

So, here's what I've decided.  Only one thing matters.  Here it comes.  The beauty of FORGETTING.  Along with it comes forgiving, of course.  But the ability to sit down, at peace and have a clean slate in your own mind is the key to life.  If you can let go and really move on from all of the indiscretions and indecencies that have put you in a state of contention, you can be free of hostility, rage and hatred.

I'm not trying to come up with a new elementary school plan on how to play on the playground.  I'm specifically talking about how to make a relationship work.  Try hard to remember the basic rules that you remember at the office:  Don't speak while others are speaking.  Present a problem along with a solution.  Be courteous and respectful.  Unlike at the office, at home, be willing to explore and enjoy.  And remember, like dating, not all experiences will be great.  So make a vow to forget about them.  Focus on the positive.

Now, if your neighbor paints his house pink, you can't exactly forget about that.

Where is this sentiment coming from?  Good times and bad.  I can only remember the good ones and am looking forward to making more.

Women Love to Look at Themselves & Each Other

Painful, painful afternoon today.  I, like a total DUMBASS, went to a fashion show.  I've been to these events before.  They are always horrific, whether the models are actually models or just friends.  It's a bunch of pent up everything.  Women wanting to strut their stuff and have someone notice, women wanting to notice and appreciate (but not too overtly), and women wanting to be anywhere but home alone.  And me -- a woman who loves to strut herself in front of spectators, who loves to watch her friends slide and slither around a pole, a woman who is learning to watch another beautiful woman gyrate on her husband.  Talk about a mix-up in the head.

So the conflict begins.  The public, high-brow fashion show is definitely the greater of the two evils I've outlined.  What's wrong with a bunch of women gathering to eat salad and see the latest workout apparel?  Well, everything.  First of all, does it always have to be a salad?  I guess so, because every time I've been served lunch with women, it's always salad.  News flash: women like pizza, burgers and chili.  I do love salad, too, but don't stereotype me and make assumptions, please.

So these uptight beauties have been primping and posing ALL WEEK.  I know this, because I've seen them around the club.  Walking, turning, pouting, straightening.....All of this in the name of NIKE?  What a dreadful waste.  I look at the show with such loathing and disdain.  I feel my salad coming up my throat.  Really.  Why?  Because if these gal pals of mine would just don a thong and a pair of pumps for about 90 seconds for their husbands (maybe add some lipstick, too), the pleasure factor would be OUT OF CONTROL.  This, I know from experience.

I realize I'm not entitled to my feelings.  It's really none of my business.  But if you are reading this, you must be interested in my slinging, too.  I have decided to become the cowardly voice of my swinging pals.  Cowardly because I'm not able to be brave and public.  So I say it's my business because they can call me a slut for wearing a low-cut top (behind my back, of course), but I can't tell them their whole problem is they care more what their girlfriends think than their husbands.  Newsflash:  your husband doesn't care half-as much about your imperfections than them women at your kids pre-school.

XOXO

What Should I have Done?

Timing!  I really disappointed my husband last night.  We were a straighter-than-thou party where I had the twins totally covered up, yet still managed to have strangers approach me and praise my (new) Mock-Stripper Couture platforms.  Funny how I invite this type of commentary.  I stood there in  my new Banana Republic Sweater Dress among the Chanel and Sapphire crowd and held my own.

I made some new friends.  Among them, a recently divorced hot blond who clearly wanted to see what was under my J Crew tights.  After yesterday's blog (about bringing home a random third party) I could see the wide window of opportunity for Jake & me.  Just as I really considered a playful fishing line like, "Are you going to give me your number so we can make a playdate?", my daughter's classmate offered me another martini.  Back to real world.  This did not seem like the place to try new things.

I probably should have went for it, I think.  Yes, I do think I'd like to give vanilla hunting a try.  Haven't done it with a vein of seriousness.  Any suggestions, friends?

What about just an old-fashioned threesome?

Interesting question.  I've been thinking about since last night after I watched "Curb Your Enthusiasm."  A quick fill-in for the non-watchers.  Larry David, the creator of Seinfeld, stars with "Cheryl" (his wife & total hottie) do a bit of improv situational comedy based on his life a la Seinfeld style.  On Sunday's episode Cheryl (separated from Larry this season) is propositioned by Elizabeth Shue and her husband to share in a threesome with them.

The proposition is so mainstream now it's no longer taboo.  Before Jake and I actually had threesomes -- which by the way, we've only had one -- I used to be so confused at his obsession with them.  (I actually prefer foursomes -- I think it's because I'm Catholic and it's a throwback to the Noah's Ark days, two-by-two, in pairs....).

So my point is, you can have a threesome.  You can have a whole bunch of different number-somes.  You can plan to have them -- every last detail.  Meet on-line, at a party, schedule a tryst at a hotel, or just find a "play room" and go to town.  Yes, I do this (some of this).  But I do it because I had never actually considered an old-fashioned threesome, before swinging was on the table.

I was so excited for "Cheryl" last night -- or women like Cheryl.  Late 40's, working out, staying young, healthy. Thank GOD someone notices them!  Not when she's half naked dancing on a stripper pole.  Someone noticed her dressed in Banana Republic in daylight.  How old-school sexy does this sound?

Sure, I can go out and feel sexy most of the time when I'm putting the energy out there.  But rewind the clock, back to half-past monogamy.  Would it be more of a charge to ask a hot gal-pal to join us in the sack for naive exploration?  Just put it out there, raw and exposed, without any idea of consequences if she were to say yes because the territory is so fresh and new, in comparison to the intricacies of the "lifestyle."

I'll guess I'll never know, because I've crossed the line.  I'm tainted and have to much to lose to try and taint someone working her True Religions at Starbucks.

Why Am I Not Enough?

I've taken kind of a harsh position in defense of my lifestyle choices.  Putting the alternative under a microscope, blaming both parties for being lazy and lettiing the romance and intrigue fall to the floor.  Since I openly admit I am out of the lifestyle as frequently as I'm in, I want to explore the other side of the coin.  What happened to two soulmates (me & Jake)?  Why aren't we enough for each other?  How selfish and vain are we that we are bored and fearful of DECADES of commitment and monogomy?

We're pretty selfish.  But we're compassionate, empathetic, open people.  We try and help the community, mostly at the holidays through food and gift donations.  Throughout the year we are generous to Salvation Army, our housekeeper, our contractors.  We have are neighbors over for cocktails and when they ask what they can bring, I rarely request.  But I do think we're selfish overall because of the choices we make.  We're doing the "live life to the fullest" thing.  I contemplate whether we should, instead, help others fill their basic needs.  Just because I believe we're in the norm, doesn't mean I think it's right.  So, yes, I think I have reasonably established that (I think) we're selfish.

Vanity?  You betcha.  Botox, blowouts, skin-care, massages, trainers....It is an absolute priority. The lifestyle is about the only venue I can think of that really and truly appreciates these choices.  I can't slice it any other way.

So here we are, vain and selfish, having great sex, wearing pleather, leather, metal and lace.  After a decade of this, who's the show for?  Seen it hundreds of times.  While it's hot and sexy, wouldn't it be more erotic to include an audience...that participates?  Sounds like a great argument to me.  And I wasn't even trying to convince myself!!!!! I just thought I was demented.

Back on track.  I don't know if I'm capable of bashing my choice.  I'm too far down in the well to see why I'm not enough, because clearly, I'm not.  Have I convinced myself that a life-long commitment is unreasonable?  Maybe I will blame society and advertising for their covert-overt operation of pounding this idea into my psyche.  What am I missing?

People are Really Uptight

It's been a while since I've blogged and I think it's because I have been waiting for something poignant to strike me.  Ouch!  Yesterday it happened.

I was at, perhaps, one of the most painful bookclub meetings ever.  The pinched up faces.  Dry-clean white starched blouses.  Stiff, forced and tight conversation.  Fortunately, I was able to sit between two of my good friends and we were able to chit-chat about anything but the book, which I didn't manage to read.  I'm sure you're wondering why I even went to the meeting.  Well, so am I.  I've decided all of the excuses I've made (it'll be good to make friends with similar interests (books), who live in the community (potential playmates for the kids...) are just that, excuses.  Officially, for the second time, I have resigned my position of required reading with women in my age group.

So we were talking about Halloween, Facebook and teenage party dilemmas when my GOOD friend told me what she and a group of gals did the other night.  Ready?  They went on a searching-for-sex website, created an account and searched by geography to see if they knew anyone on the site.  I had to keep all of my experience with this world to myself, of course.  Which I've become a pro at.  "Do they pay for sex?" "Do they show (instead of PROFILE or POST) photos?"

Is anyone else disturbed by this?  I'm trying to define the problem, but maybe I don't understand it.  On the outside, my friend is everything you would want in a friend -- she's smart, funny, silly, will go out with a half-hour notice.  Her husband is good looking, a good conversationalist, and seems to really like his wife.  I think this because I have seen them out together.  She's so bored and maybe even filled with contempt, that she wants to catch her "friends" being naughty.  For what purpose?  Gossip?  Judgement?  I don't get it.

So, I took my pics down until I can shoot some more that are less defining.

The War of the Roses

It's such a sad, common sight.  Couples who have it all.  The American Dream -- financial security, beautiful children, new purebread puppy.  What do thy lay in bed thanking God for?  I know, do you?  It's not health, happiness or wealth.   He's thankful for strip clubs, waitresses with long legs and short skirts, cleavage.......She's thankful he's in Europe.  


Many of our friends fit this profile.  They just can't see what they have.  Or once had.  Their vision is clouded by the sight of homework.  Sick kids.  A house that never seems clean enough.  She turns to champagne and TiVo for stimulation.  And I already told you where he is.


I want to get to the root of this plague so I can wipe it out.  Jake and I find it so tough to mingle with this breed.  Isn't the answer simple?  It's not about sex.  Well, maybe it is a little bit.  I think it's more about....Never mind.  It's definitely about sex.  It's the one word solution?  Maybe.  I can't imagine that anyone would take on a partner that didn't at least once rock their world with just a kiss, a touch, or for the rest of us, a banging night of sex.  It had to have happened for anyone to be together.  I'll argue this point all day long.


What happens to cause people to lose this feeling?  I had a communications class in college where I learned something I'll never ever forget.  The professor told us that marriage is work.  It's a full-time job.  You can't come home from work and become your rude, lazy slobby self.  You have to put as much work into your relationship as you do into your career.  You can argue that true love shouldn't be work, it should come naturally.  Just like childbirth, right?


What's the problem, friends?  Where does the romance go?