Sunday, October 11, 2009

You Must Experience it to Know if it's For You

It all seems so easy.  Fall in love.  Get married.  Have kid(s) & grandchildren.  Life happily ever after.  Everyone who can read knows this is a fairy tale.  There is way more in between the lines than could ever fill a book.  Nothing is without complication.  Big news, right?

After a few years of experimenting in this lifestyle, we are continuing to learn that this, too, has complexities we could never have anticipated.  We've made judgements, mistakes, friends and fans.  I never thought it would take so much introspection to come to where I am today.

Let me give you a glimpse.  About five years ago we went to a Halloween party.  It was one of our first lifestyle events.  We had the most dynamic evening.  The cast of characters couldn't have been better scripted.  The pick-up-lines are so different than what we were used to from our dating days.  "Are you guys full-swap?", "Can I borrow your wife?", "Is she bi?", "Do you guys want to get out of here and get naked in our room?"(at 9 p.m. -- we had just met them).  We kind of liked the up-frontness.  I think a lot of single people could learn from this directive.  Imagine the time you could save if you were able to walk up to someone in a crowded bar and say "I just want sex tonight", or "I really need to be married and pregnant by the end of the year" or "Can we have breakfast in bed naked?".  Of course I know you can say that, but it's not the expectation, as it sometimes is among life-stylers.

Back to the party.  We met a couple we'd rate a total 10 that night.  The were dressed as Jeannie & The Major.  The chemistry between the four of us was immediate.  We hadn't had a lot of experience in "group play" so when they invited us to a hotel room, we were very excited.  When we got to the room, there were a few other couples dancing, drinking, making out and more.  So we went with the heat of the moment.  We played it safe, standing in the corner. The kissing and touching between the four of us took me back to that place in my early twenties with a new lover.  I was weak in the knees and giddy.  Jake was touching me in the same way he has for over a decade, but I saw him through "Jeannie's" eyes.  It was an amazing reinforcement.  Jake is hot.  Of course I knew this, but seeing him in this environment being mentally and physically devoured by beautiful women was a turn-on for me that I hadn't anticipated.

Things got out of hand.  Players were coming out of the woodwork and closing in on us.  I was being violated.  I started to freak out.  We went back to our hotel room.  Had amazing sex.  Laughed about the night.  Laughed even harder about the night our neighbors were having by the BBQ.  Men on one side planning their golf outings.  Women on the other, talking about going shopping.  Glad we side-stepped that one.

So last night we met up with some sexy new friends at a rocking party.  The party was in a home that appeared to be built for the purpose of hosting these type of parties.  Think multiple levels with couples flirting, dancing and more.  We were definitely in a playful mood and there was a strong connection.  One where endorphins and a host of other feel-good chemicals mix with the Belvedere Vodka.  Its an amazing feeling to connect with another couple or single female and to get the natural high that flirtation and attraction can set off.  This is one of the reasons so many are probably attracted to cheating on their partner.  The lifestyle creates the feeling that often times hasn't been experienced since dating.  It gives you that rush of excitement that feeling wanted and attracted to someone new can provide.  On so many levels it becomes a drug of choice that can be addicting.  We had the opportunity to take things to the next level at the party.  We didn't take it for the same reason we left the Halloween Party five years ago.  The venue wasn't special enough and there were too many spectators and people letting their raw primal instincts cloud their judgement.  So we went home alone.  And I'm trying to find a sitter again........


  1. "The venue wasn't special enough and there were too many spectators and people letting their raw primal instincts cloud their judgement."

    Well said! It echoes the feeling you seek with lifestyle: flirtation and attraction. Not raw primal urges, or, "doing it just because we're swingers in a swinger party". Looking forward to the next post!

  2. Thanks so much. The funny thing about your quote is that Jake and I wrote that EXACT sentence together.